RISK

You’ve probably heard the saying “you never know, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow.” Well, that bus hit me ninety days ago, when I collapsed on the kitchen floor in cardiac arrest.  My wife immediately performed CPR until paramedics could restart my heart.  An amazing group of people came together and tended to our needs, both physical and spiritual, and our reliance on doctors, family, and faithful friends cannot be understated. When it was time to leave I had spent eight days in the hospital, but I was in no hurry to go home, since I was keenly aware of my fragility, my dependence on prescription meds, and my new defibrillator. Every activity seemed like a huge risk. I sensed another bus around every corner.

A few weeks after the hospital stay, at an appointment with the cardiologist, I told her it was really weird for me to go from zero meds to seven daily prescriptions. She simply said, “Well, I guess you weren’t anywhere near as healthy as you thought you were.”  That was it. A total deadpan shred from my doctor.  As it turns out, I was taking a big risk for a long time and never knew it.  Maybe if I had reported the chest pain I was feeling twelve years ago they would have found the blocked artery, and maybe taken care of it without further heart damage. Instead, my cheap, uninsured, stubborn musician brain took over and explained it all away without going to a doctor. Who has time to stop what they’re doing and get treatment, when the human body is so good at fixing itself? That’s a risky, risky attitude indeed, but one held by many.

When I got home I was afraid.  Afraid to move, afraid to sleep. Afraid of every twinge, every pain.  When my new medications gave me strange side effects or made my pressures drop I was afraid that I was having the dreaded “second heart attack” that is almost always very serious. I had no choice but to put my trust in the team that was charged with treating me, and eventually I started to trust them more than myself. The next risk on this path is exercise.  If I’m going to improve heart function and have anything close to a normal life expectancy I will have to move. A lot. Thankfully there is a cardiac rehab team monitoring my workouts, and I’m able to do more and more each time I go.  Progress is maddeningly slow, but after each hour at rehab I can feel a little of my metabolism returning. Then I have to rest most of the day.  I am a patient who is  not very patient, but that’s what progress looks like right now, and I am thankful.

Now, the news. God is doing a new thing, and He is using some old friends and some new ones to partner with me to do it. I believe strongly that the new endeavor is in His will, and that His will done His way will never lack provision, so I’m going to step out in faith and commit to a new project, Worldwide Artist Ministries. During this risky time it’s a risk of a different kind, and I’ve got some explaining to do, so here goes.

Artists are very special people. They are created to create music, visual arts, literary arts and performing arts that touch us, that unite, inspire, and add value to every endeavor. The artist’s gifts are unique and valuable, but the struggles they face are also unique. Worldwide Artist Ministries will build and strengthen communities of artists to help deepen their faith and show God’s love in the world.

My core belief here is that when an artist is seen and heard by other artists, we uncover the best opportunity to teach and encourage all of them. Then, both separately and together, artists in all disciplines can work better for God’s Kingdom. I’m not going to get too preachy yet, but from now on I will mostly be writing about the artist’s unique call and duty. You will see me work to make sure they know each other, helping them be truly seen and heard, and equipping them to execute their earthly commission better.

My capacity is still quite diminished by my recent cardiac arrest, but I am still alive, and whatever energy I have left after taking care of my wife and young son will be fully devoted to this task from now on. As part of the task I will also be committed to professional development in this area, and to building partnerships that help do it better for as long as I’m here, and after I’m gone.

“We’re on a mission from God” is hardly a business plan, and most people would think it’s too big of a risk at this time. I appreciate that view, but it seems like less of a risk because God has blessed me with a clear vision of the people I would be serving, and how to do it. I’m truly passionate about the people and the mission, which makes it easy for me to commit, and my when I’m committed to something I follow through. Worldwide Artist Ministries will start small, but I guarantee my complete focus on its healthy growth. If you have read this much you can be pretty sure that I will eventually come to you asking for money to fund this adventure and I hope you’ll be generous, but I also hope that will it never be a stumbling block for us relationally. Too often artists will give and receive love that is conditional, but I assure you that mine will never be. Please pray for us, and help spread the word. Support us financially if you can.

This is the last post you’ll read that references my health stuff, unless it serves the larger purpose of encouraging and empowering the artists at the core of my new ministry. We will start with the very core of the matter, exploring the uniquely beautiful creation and purpose of the world’s artists. If you’re ready to follow along I suggest you meditate on Ephesians 2:10, John 20:21-22, and 2 Timothy 3:16, and please pray for the artists in your life. Thanks.